He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
