go do what you do best...puke behind churches
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
