just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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