His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will be naked everywhere
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
