Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
