I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
