Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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