I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
