Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize