Where did you get a picture of my penis
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
