It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
