but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
