I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
