The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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