youre lurking in front of me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
