I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then he peed in my hair
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