HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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