You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
