Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
