hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
