I need help removing her.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
