Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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