This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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