In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
