i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
