He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
