i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
