I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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