I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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