OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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