I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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