now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
