the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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