she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
