you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize