That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
