I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
