pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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