my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dear god my vagina.
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