You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
