Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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