I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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