I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
