I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
