I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize