I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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