He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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