Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
