Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
