it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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