My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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