well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my shit smells like andre
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
