Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
