it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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