I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
