wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
