does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
