I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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