I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
