so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
