insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
